Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
