The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
