Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
