i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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