Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
