why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
