3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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