Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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