the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
