Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
