i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
