puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
