Your tits are I can't wait for
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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