Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
