Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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