there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I had to cum in my sink.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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