FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize