Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
