I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize