Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
