I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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