I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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