It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
