is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
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