So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
