So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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