She announced her abortion via fbk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
