The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
