I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
sex in a hospital.. check
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
