im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
