is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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