Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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