so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
