just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
