we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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