Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
