Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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