the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
