I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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