Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You can't just leave with hair like that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
