walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
