So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
