6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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