Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
