I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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