and she was petting her beer can
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
