New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
