My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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