I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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