oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
