omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize