I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
