I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
