She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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