see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
