I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
