I feel great
I just peed on a car
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
