so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Randomize
