I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
