it wasn't lemon gatorade
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
