He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We are all done wearing pants today
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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