I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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